It’s been quite some time since my last post so here I am.
I was visiting a school in my hometown when I had a short encounter with a guy I had a crush on a couple of years ago. Of course, I was a bit fidgety (why wouldn’t I? I used to be head over heels for him). I thought he didn’t recognise me but I was taken aback when he smiled at me for a brief few seconds.
Now, the 16-year-old me would have gone home running to write a cheesy song about her crush finally acknowledging her existence but I am not writing this to talk about how I had butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. I am writing this post because that ephemeral moment made me realise that I am finally at peace with myself.
A lot has changed since last year and honestly it is the utmost satisfying to me. Apart from my deteriorating Math skills and intensified appetite, I have grown so much as a person – thanks to one whole (exhausting) semester of being a language student. One of the changes that delights me is the fading temptation to chase people. It might seem silly and cliche in some ways; it is an achievement, at least for me, after years spent on trying to mean something to people.
Looking back, I used to allow myself to chase people and get hurt in the end. I used to romanticise the idea of finding happiness where I lost it – constantly running back. It bothered me a lot yet I still found myself trapped in that impetuousness. But now, now I am happy in my own place. I do not attempt running after people anymore; if someone is meant to be in my life, then in my life that person shall be. I don’t want my energy and time wasted on people who can’t see my worth. I have done enough of that already.
Besides, there is so much ahead of me: things to experience, roads to travel and dreams to realise. I do not wish for anything or anyone to hold me back.